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  • Andrew Sung
  • 승인 2018.11.21 18:15
  • 댓글 5
기사 댓글 5
  • Jaehong Min 2018-12-03 20:26:48

    You looked at the issue of obesity from an interesting and not-very-common perspective, in that you examined points like the intervention of government. The article was solid, but I would be careful about vocabulary use. You used a lot of words that don't fit in the situation, and seem pretentious.   삭제

    • Im Dakyoung 2018-12-01 00:34:19

      Interesting topic! Before I knew it, I clicked your article first when I came into the site because my friends and I are always concerned about weight gain too. Plus, your title is attractive! I like how you presented the issue and the problems in it quite clearly.   삭제

      • Jason 2018-11-24 19:35:25

        ...of each. Make sure to look at grammatical mistakes here and there.   삭제

        • Jason 2018-11-24 19:34:44

          ... advocate, perhaps you could have mentioned what proponents of banning the consumption of fast food believe. There are multiple cases in the US, where schools banned their students from consuming junk food, and perhaps you could have tied that concept into your article, and evaluate the arguments   삭제

          • Jason 2018-11-24 19:33:17

            Great article, Andrew. I would be a little bit more careful next time, as you wrote as if you assumed that your audience would know that a greater consumption of fast food p eventually leads to health problems like obesity. It's better to be explicit in journalism writing... Also, to play devil's...   삭제

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